Unimportance & Negligibilities

"Be or not to be that is the question."

Probably everyone knows that quote. 

And it really is a great deal without an answer I guess. 

I'm seeking for a sense of life and today was one of the days I thought about death again.

My mother and I planned to go shopping in Düsseldorf today and buy some Asian food. 

But suddenly my feelings changed and I just thought, it wasn't important. Nothing is important at all.

Life contains birth, present and death. It's a circle and labyrinth you cannot escape, except you would find a way to immortality.

But if you would be immortal, what would you do with it? Just keep on and on living?

A boring thing to do so.

Yeah, there are really nice, beautiful and amazing things humans are capable to do and see in their lives, but I've never felt real love (apart from my family), I've never had sex yet or even actually had a boyfriend.

Money, sex and love/hatred are defining our world's and society's rules.

Well, I suppose I've missed my point again. I'd be better off starting again.

What was it anyway? Err, yes, my feelings' change.

So, I went to my mom and cancelled our plans. 

My head felt groggy and I bit into paper advertising - tearing it apart.

I still don't know why.

Ya see?

That's somehow what I meant. I don't know what I want, what to live for.

Of course I look forward to travelling to England, but if I would commit suicide, I wouldn't really care I guess.

And my graduation? Fuck it....in these moments I just want to lie on my bed and vegetate the rest of my stupid eye-blinking-short-lifetime.

There IS one thing I'd like to get at the moment. Having a tattoo with an the symbol of eternality (tilted 8) and "Hakuna Matata" written in it.

Approximately like this one:

Maybe I would feel better. Screaming out that I don't care about any bloody damned world issue.

Maybe I would not.

And I want mead. I loved the smell back in November but I wasn't in the mood to taste it.

And I can't buy it either, because I'm not 16 yet (in Germany you can buy beer, wine and mead at the age of 16, the rest at 18). Gee...

Some of my friends are 16 by now and one of them promised me to get some before my departure, but ...well...it really hot outside isn't it? (28°C+)

But I will beg her anyway, then telling my parents I'm going to sleep in our old house (above my granddad's floor, it's empty and we stored old sofas there ) and watch probably either North & South, Pride & Prejudice or a nice Disney animation.

Silly plan. However I'll enjoy it....Hopefully.

Again my real topic slipped away, so I'm gonna end this.

Have a nice day, 

xx Blacky

Edit: I really like this :3