Unimportance & Negligibilities

"Be or not to be that is the question."

Probably everyone knows that quote. 

And it really is a great deal without an answer I guess. 

I'm seeking for a sense of life and today was one of the days I thought about death again.

My mother and I planned to go shopping in Düsseldorf today and buy some Asian food. 

But suddenly my feelings changed and I just thought, it wasn't important. Nothing is important at all.

Life contains birth, present and death. It's a circle and labyrinth you cannot escape, except you would find a way to immortality.

But if you would be immortal, what would you do with it? Just keep on and on living?

A boring thing to do so.

Yeah, there are really nice, beautiful and amazing things humans are capable to do and see in their lives, but I've never felt real love (apart from my family), I've never had sex yet or even actually had a boyfriend.

Money, sex and love/hatred are defining our world's and society's rules.

Well, I suppose I've missed my point again. I'd be better off starting again.

What was it anyway? Err, yes, my feelings' change.

So, I went to my mom and cancelled our plans. 

My head felt groggy and I bit into paper advertising - tearing it apart.

I still don't know why.

Ya see?

That's somehow what I meant. I don't know what I want, what to live for.

Of course I look forward to travelling to England, but if I would commit suicide, I wouldn't really care I guess.

And my graduation? Fuck it....in these moments I just want to lie on my bed and vegetate the rest of my stupid eye-blinking-short-lifetime.

There IS one thing I'd like to get at the moment. Having a tattoo with an the symbol of eternality (tilted 8) and "Hakuna Matata" written in it.

Approximately like this one:

Maybe I would feel better. Screaming out that I don't care about any bloody damned world issue.

Maybe I would not.

And I want mead. I loved the smell back in November but I wasn't in the mood to taste it.

And I can't buy it either, because I'm not 16 yet (in Germany you can buy beer, wine and mead at the age of 16, the rest at 18). Gee...

Some of my friends are 16 by now and one of them promised me to get some before my departure, but ...well...it really hot outside isn't it? (28°C+)

But I will beg her anyway, then telling my parents I'm going to sleep in our old house (above my granddad's floor, it's empty and we stored old sofas there ) and watch probably either North & South, Pride & Prejudice or a nice Disney animation.

Silly plan. However I'll enjoy it....Hopefully.

Again my real topic slipped away, so I'm gonna end this.

Have a nice day, 

xx Blacky

Edit: I really like this :3

Yesterday's tide

Events are moving so fast and what in one moment seems impossible, the next is happening. I'm sure historians will, in time, provide theories and analysis, but for now I think most of us simply want the tide stemmed.
Lucy Powell 

Yesterday started boring and went on with cooking a casserole and tidying up my room.
Then I rode to a friend and together we were brought to the train station. After 40 minutes sitting & talking we arrived in D. 
My friend wants to have a piercing so we planned to go to the piercing studio first to fix a date. 
Straying around since we didn't know the exact way, we decided to go to a park and relax.
We weren't there before and it looked really nice! But we had forgotten towels and after about one hour sunbathing we had our fill of annoying flies and grass sticking everywhere (the grass made imprints as if our skin was crinkled paper :D)
We kept on walking through beautiful flowerbeds and chose an exit at last.
Dopey as we are we hadn't brought enough water with us, so we were accordingly thirsty. 
But thanks to the underground (' love cities) Aldi was just a few minutes' drive away. 
Each of us bought a 1,5 litre bottle and we've drunken it very, very fast..... :D
And I couldn't resist buying peanut butter. I've been hating it when I was younger, but since I've eaten peanut sauce at a Chinese restaurant I luuuuve it <3 (You must! try it out with chicken :3)
Then we went back home ....

But my real reasons for this post weren't a boring life (day) update.
It have been my thoughts about the tide.
When we were searching for the studio, I realised how much I actually enjoy walking without an aim.
I think, that is a kind of freedom. If I have an important aim (e.g. date with sb.) I always think about being too late and so on, but don't really enjoy the way.
The thing is that I feel more freely when I just have the way without an aim. 
So I've planned to drive to D. again soon (without someone this time, cause the friend whowas with me doesn't like walking) and just listen to music and just drift to the sound and heartbeat of the world. (That doesn't make sense, does it? :D)
Sneaking a kind of peace ....
Yeah, I bubble too much again. Senselessly.Pointlessly.
Sorry for that! But I think it's hard to catch one's thoughts and describe them in human words. Especially if English not your mother tongue and you try to write a blog in English xD...
However as I've explained that's one of my reasons to write this lifestyle blog: learning how to express myself in a clear and confident way as well as to apprehend my messed-up mind at all.

Sorry again, I bring my text to an end now :P
xx Blacky